Get The Romance Back

Get The Romance Back (even with little kids in the house)

Since I became a mom my sex life has changed. Like, a lot. My husband and I used to have hours long marathon sex sessions. Five orgasms each was a personal record that we tried to best. (What? I’m competitive.) We were crazy, couldn’t keep our hands off each other in lust. We would make out for hours, kissing, grinding, and groping to the backdrop of Ryan Adams. Do you remember those days, babe? *happy sigh*

Well fast forward nearly ten years and two 2-year olds later, and dear God I’m tired. A lot of days I feel like my husband has fallen to the bottom of my to-do list. and I’m not just talking sex. Some days I question myself, geez did we even kiss today? Have a real conversation about something other than pacifiers and poop?

Sometimes we need a reboot on getting our groove back as a couple.  So I put together a list of five simple things you can do to re-light the spark and deepen your intimacy. (And they actually work!)

1. Declare it a device-free evening. (no phones, tablets, or TVs to distract you, though soft music is encouraged) If you’re anything like me I’m a teensy bit (okay, A LOT) addicted to my phone. But in the evening, after the kiddos are put to bed, it’s so important to put away anything with a screen and actually look into the eyes of your partner. Me and my husband’s favorite is to go outside where we have an outdoor living space with a fireplace and curl up and tell stories, laugh and reconnect.
2. Do something nice for yourself. If you’re not taking good care of you, it’s going to be even harder to feel sexy and special. Don’t forget to prioritize some you time. My favorite ways to do this are pampering myself with a mani and a pedi, or taking a long bubble bath. Another that works for me is taking some extra time with my hair and makeup, even though I work at home, and no one will probably see me, I just feel better and more put together. Something about wearing pretty lipstick always makes me feel more chipper. It’s weird. But it works.
3. Do something sweet and unexpected for him. It doesn’t even have to cost money, but think of little ways to let your partner know you’re thinking of him. A sweet, heartfelt text during the day, and his favorite foods served at dinner, then after, tell him that you’ve got kitchen clean up covered and to go put his feet up. I’m betting this will put a smile on his face and make him feel loved and appreciated. Another favorite is surprising my husband with two glasses of red wine and a bottle of massage oil. His answering tender smile always fills me up. (He absolutely loves getting a massage, and giving them too) Think of something simple he’d enjoy and treat him.
4. Put yourself in his shoes. What’s on his mind? Is there something weighing him down? Something as simple as squeezing his hand and letting him know you’re thinking of his recent stress and communicating that you’re here if he wants to talk can help. Men can be so strong and quiet about things like this, sometimes I have to remember that my husband worries about things too and I need to acknowledge those if I really want to understand his deeper emotional state. Let him know that you’re in his corner, and that you’re in this together.
5. Get physical together. Take an evening stroll together, go on a family bike ride, or invite him on your morning run. Couples who work out together stay together. It feels good to get sweaty, plus exercise releases good endorphins, and gives you a chance to have fun. Hula hooping, anyone?

Okay, and because I couldn’t stop at just 5, here is a bonus for you.

6. Go ahead, spank him on the butt with that spatula when he walks past the kitchen. Give him an unexpected hug (or my favorite, tacklehug) and long kiss. Tell him his butt looks cute in those jeans. Remember that you’re allowed to be a couple—not just mom and dad.

I’d love to hear your suggestions on Twitter @kendallryan1

Love,
Kendall